Posts Tagged ‘Change’
Is This Normal?
December 3rd, 2009 | 
Author: As my time in China quickly approaches a year and a half, I find myself longing to return to the Western world, if even for a brief moment to clear my head and think about the future while enjoying hamburgers, hotdogs, and steaks. The trip to Australia is either going to be a blessing or a curse, but I won’t know until it comes time to board the plane for China.
As I think about it more and more, I become increasingly afraid of this trip for the fact that I believe it will change my life. I try not to be too philosophical or existential as it hurts most people’s brains, but in this case I feel it’s the only way to express my feelings.
I’m afraid of a few things: I won’t fit into Australian society (which would generalize into all Western countries); I will love it and regret coming back; I won’t want to leave.
When you stay in a country like China (or any other country which isn’t the place you grew up in) for such an extended period of time, you begin to change and become more like the people you surround yourself with, and in this case it’s Chinese people. That’s not to say it’s a bad thing because I’ve become much better with my money, and much more generous towards others, but there are other little things I couldn’t begin to explain which might make my return to the West a bit awkward.
On a brighter note, I got $1000 Australian dollars converted over yesterday, bringing me even closer to my trip only 12 days away! All that’s left is getting my school to pay me before I leave so I can pay the landlord, and I have myself an extra $300 to play with when I get back in January. Methinks a trip to Vietnam in February is in order!
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People Don’t Change
I’d like to think people change.. but apparently I was proven wrong today by BOTH James and Steven. Yesterday James got into a fight on the bus (don’t know what about, and apparently he doesn’t remember.. right, like he expects me to believe that). I even had brought him one of my stuffed animals to keep but I didnt’ give it to him today because then that would have been negative reinforcement. So he has to wait until Monday to have it (he didn’t even know I had it for him), and Steven got kicked out of his daycare yesterday for cussing and terrible behavior.
These boys are angels around me because it’s 1-on-1 and they know I care about them. But when they go into the world without me they go back to being alone and having to face things on their own. I almost feel burdened by it because I only want the best for them.
My newest boy, William, stabbed his friend in the head with a pencil on the bus two days ago. Lol. It fucking amazes me how our children have become more violent, less responsible, and more babied over the years.
And thus starts a VERY long day..
ps – I got an 82 on my Psychology of Personality exam and an 80 on my Psychology of Behavior exam (it’s okay.. I could have done better if I only tried..)
Chu Ru Ping An (出入平安）= “May you be blessed with peace and safety wherever you are.”